Do you believe in magic?
My son is obsessed with magic and we’ve been following a magician around. Now, he’s going to teach my son some tricks. It’s the first ‘teacher’ he’s been ok with since he stopped attending school.
The premise behind a self-directed education, as advocated by clinical psychologist Naomi Fisher in her excellent book A different way to learn: Neurodiversity and self-directed education is that rather than laying out textbooks for your child to work through, as they might at school, you allow their learning to be guided through whatever their interests are at that time.
So, if you have a football-obsessed kid, it might be that they start showing an interest in videos, magazines or a TV show, as well as getting outdoors to actually play football. Within this, there will be opportunities to exercise and pick up new physical skills, as well as read, write, make art and - potentially - be taught by someone else (like a coach).
But it’s very much child-led and while we can present materials that may be of interest, we have to respect the child as leader. Our ideas might be rejected; they might soon move onto the next interest, subject or medium.
Most of us are deeply conditioned to believe that learning happens in a classroom, surrounded by 30 children, with one teacher at the front and maybe a teaching assistant there too. We look up at the board, learn the new theory and then apply it using the printed-out sheets in front of us.
For some kids, this approach to learning might work well. But for many, it doesn’t. Those are the kids who come to life when there’s a practical activity like making art, building something or movement. Those are the kids who might shift from fidgety and bored to incredibly focused, when they are allowed to follow their own interests and learn in a way that makes sense to them.
When my son stopped attending school, seven weeks before the school year ended, I got out the textbooks. I still have them from homeschooling stints we have done. I have a book that explains the National Curriculum and yearly expectations with associated workbooks. He sat with me, and gave it a go, but it was clear he had no enthusiasm for it.
I watched, then, as he went to build boats to float on the padding pool, furniture for a doll’s house his grandpa built him, devices to fire out toothpicks. He became artist, creator, inventor, scientist, mathematician, engineer. It was beautiful, watching this unfold. We saw that by simply placing some paper straws on a table for him to find, we’d return to discover he’d created something incredible, inspired by this new material.
However, it’s hard to undo all that conditioning. Doesn’t he need to be reading a particular type of book for 10 minutes a day? you might think, as the parent, before reflecting on the different ways a child might learn to read and practise reading. By picking up a menu in a restaurant, reading road signs, looking at the subtitles on the TV, reading the instructions to a new board game.
Or, becoming so fixated on a new interest that they will learn all skills necessary to master it.
My son’s special interest, right now, is magic. He’s obsessed. I got him a box of magic tricks for Christmas and then we saw a magician at a pub and that seemed to pique his curiosity. He looked up magic tricks on YouTube. His grandpa taught him some. He started to find new materials (elastic bands, sticks) and make up his own. The line that comes out of his mouth most often, right now, is: can I show you a magic trick?
I asked him if he’d like a lesson from an actual magician. He said he would. I was amazed, as there has, until now, been a very clear rejection of anything that feels like school: teachers, coaches, ‘learning’ from someone else in a prescriptive way. He has wanted - and needed - complete freedom, to recover from school trauma.
I knew it might be something that felt exciting today and then difficult, or even impossible, tomorrow. But I contacted the magician we’d seen at that pub, anyway. I’d asked him, at the time, for a business card. I can’t remember why I did this but now, it would come in handy.
He’s part of the Magic Circle, this magician. His email address is a Magic Circle email address. I went down my own rabbit hole of magic, magicians, the Magic Circle and how it all works (it’s not all that clear, as much is - quite literally - smoke and mirrors). I started to feel excited about this new interest, too.
The magician responded to my email and we set up a meeting. He said he’d like to see some of my son’s tricks. I wondered if this might be hard for my son - having to perform, live - but my son said, without hesitation, that he’s up for it. He’s excited. That makes me excited. A door opening.
And a reminder, to me, to continue to have an open mind. To observe, listen, follow my son’s lead and occasionally ask if he’d like to take a step forward. This is about re-building his confidence and trusting him to make his own decisions.
We went to find the magician in Covent Garden yesterday. Excitingly, he was there (the same spot where we’ve seen him before; we are a family of fans) and he recognised us. We watched his show, put some money in the hat and had a little chat.
I’m grateful to my son for developing this new interest that I’m enjoying following along with.
And I’m grateful to have learnt - through books, and the online community - that there is more than one way to learn.
The journey, at this point, is starting to feel somewhat magical.
My son is back to his funny, relaxed, chatty, curious self. Up for adventures; up for trying new things. And I get to be there for the ride.
Annie x
If you’d like to write a story for Raising Neurodivergence, please leave a comment below. I’m interested in hearing from other parents of neurodivergent children - about what’s working for them/what’s not - and also neurodivergent thinkers I can interview.
Love this- made me emotional and reminded me to chill out as we start homeschooling!
Also, everyone else’s comments are really useful, thanks all ❤️
I love this! Over the summer my son has been hand-drawing ever more accurate money replicas and created a McDonalds in the basement—the tiny details he picks up on are incredible. I am looking forward to seeing what else we end up exploring together this year. ♥️